Facing Fears

Ok, I will admit that I am big on telling people that when we got pregnant, we knew coming in that a c-section could be possible...I just didn't really think it would happen. Baby girl is still breech. And she's not planning on moving anytime soon. I'm not even sure she can to be honest. She's a big girl and my torso is not so big. We went in 2 weeks ago for the first round of cervical checking and the Dr. was all optimistic at first saying that IF baby was breech, she could still turn on her own and I could still go into labor on my own and blah, blah, blah...Fast forward to cervical check. Dr. looks at me and says, "hm..I'm not entirely sure I'm feeling a head down there. Let's get an ultrasound done."
So, we go in for the ultrasound. 2 seconds after the wand is put on my belly, the tech says, "yup, she was feeling tush." Baby's head is jammed under my ribs. She tells me the Dr. will want to speak with me again and leaves.
Dr. comes back in, looks at me and says, ok, so what day works for you for a c-section? Damn.
So, we are scheduled to meet our little girl January 5th at 8am.

I am scared shitless. Let's not mince words here. I'm seriously terrified. I have never had ANY kind of surgery EVER, and have never stayed overnight in a hospital before.  And yet I want to be concious when they take her out of me? Am I crazy? The only motivator there is I want to actually be able to see and touch my baby when they pull her out.
I keep trying to weigh the pros and cons of a c-section, but in the end, I'm still not completely thrilled about it. I guess I'm just scared. I like the fact that I don't have to go through hours and hours of labor and I'll have a pristine vag in the end lol, but I don't like the fact that I won't be the first to hold her and that the drugs from the surgery could make me want to sleep and miss out entirely on the first bonding experience I have with her. I could care less that I'm going to have a scar above my pubic area b/c let's face it, who the hell is going to be looking there other than the hubs? That's right, NO ONE lol.  If my stretch marks don't scare a person away, the flabby belly will lol.

Either way, I have told my family and friends, no one is to visit us until sometime after 1pm. I want to be selfish and have my ME time with MY baby before everyone else starts plowing through the door. I will seriously hit the roof if someone besides Ibou gets to hold her before I do. I feel it is my right to have that time. I've carried her for 9 months so I should be one of the first. Right? Plus, I want to try and breastfeed her if possible and don't really need an audience.

I think I might just be over-thinking the whole thing and if I'd just relax, things will go smoothly and how I want them to be.

35/35

Holy Cow!! We are at the 35 weeks with 35 days to go milestone!! I just can't believe that 35 days is all that's left of my due date! I have a feeling however that we will not make it to that point and that we may be going a bit earlier-which is totally OK with me! I am so tired, sore and uncomfortable! I could meet her in the next 3 weeks and be alright with it lol. I do however want her to continue baking as long as she thinks she needs to, so that we have a healthy baby with no NICU stay!
If I get a chance, I will post an updated picture of the belly bump ;)
I have a Dr's appointment this Friday where we start the cervical exams to find out if I'm dialating yet. We'll also find out if she's still in the breach position or if she's decided to flip over to head down!
I will post again either this weekend or Monday of next week on how the appointment went :)