Facing Fears

Ok, I will admit that I am big on telling people that when we got pregnant, we knew coming in that a c-section could be possible...I just didn't really think it would happen. Baby girl is still breech. And she's not planning on moving anytime soon. I'm not even sure she can to be honest. She's a big girl and my torso is not so big. We went in 2 weeks ago for the first round of cervical checking and the Dr. was all optimistic at first saying that IF baby was breech, she could still turn on her own and I could still go into labor on my own and blah, blah, blah...Fast forward to cervical check. Dr. looks at me and says, "hm..I'm not entirely sure I'm feeling a head down there. Let's get an ultrasound done."
So, we go in for the ultrasound. 2 seconds after the wand is put on my belly, the tech says, "yup, she was feeling tush." Baby's head is jammed under my ribs. She tells me the Dr. will want to speak with me again and leaves.
Dr. comes back in, looks at me and says, ok, so what day works for you for a c-section? Damn.
So, we are scheduled to meet our little girl January 5th at 8am.

I am scared shitless. Let's not mince words here. I'm seriously terrified. I have never had ANY kind of surgery EVER, and have never stayed overnight in a hospital before.  And yet I want to be concious when they take her out of me? Am I crazy? The only motivator there is I want to actually be able to see and touch my baby when they pull her out.
I keep trying to weigh the pros and cons of a c-section, but in the end, I'm still not completely thrilled about it. I guess I'm just scared. I like the fact that I don't have to go through hours and hours of labor and I'll have a pristine vag in the end lol, but I don't like the fact that I won't be the first to hold her and that the drugs from the surgery could make me want to sleep and miss out entirely on the first bonding experience I have with her. I could care less that I'm going to have a scar above my pubic area b/c let's face it, who the hell is going to be looking there other than the hubs? That's right, NO ONE lol.  If my stretch marks don't scare a person away, the flabby belly will lol.

Either way, I have told my family and friends, no one is to visit us until sometime after 1pm. I want to be selfish and have my ME time with MY baby before everyone else starts plowing through the door. I will seriously hit the roof if someone besides Ibou gets to hold her before I do. I feel it is my right to have that time. I've carried her for 9 months so I should be one of the first. Right? Plus, I want to try and breastfeed her if possible and don't really need an audience.

I think I might just be over-thinking the whole thing and if I'd just relax, things will go smoothly and how I want them to be.

35/35

Holy Cow!! We are at the 35 weeks with 35 days to go milestone!! I just can't believe that 35 days is all that's left of my due date! I have a feeling however that we will not make it to that point and that we may be going a bit earlier-which is totally OK with me! I am so tired, sore and uncomfortable! I could meet her in the next 3 weeks and be alright with it lol. I do however want her to continue baking as long as she thinks she needs to, so that we have a healthy baby with no NICU stay!
If I get a chance, I will post an updated picture of the belly bump ;)
I have a Dr's appointment this Friday where we start the cervical exams to find out if I'm dialating yet. We'll also find out if she's still in the breach position or if she's decided to flip over to head down!
I will post again either this weekend or Monday of next week on how the appointment went :)

Nursery in progress

Here's just a few pictures of our nursery. So far I don't have anything on the walls except a wall decal. I plan on getting a board that has her name hanging from it up soon and possibly hanging some of those colored lanterns from the ceiling. Haven't fully decided that yet though. We are going with an owl theme in the nursery b/c my husband's name means owl in French. :)

 Our crib, set up with the sheets and comforter (the comforter will come out when she gets here and won't be used until she is older), the blanket hanging over the crib was made by my aunt.

 Everything inside this crib will come out when she arrives, I just thought it looked nice in there for right now.

 Her bookcase/organizer! Has her books and toys and other miscellaneous things for now!

Here's the awesome wall decal we put up as soon as we knew we were having a girl :)

What are little girls made of???

I've been meaning to start a blog so that my family who lives all over the U.S. can keep track of us and how we are doing. I just hadn't gotten around to it and thought, maybe today will be the day :) I currently also run a blog called Sweet Bites that chronicals my adventures in baking. I may eventually bring the two together, but for now, I'll keep this strictly about me and my hubby and our little girl!

That's right! Ibou and I are having a baby girl for those who didn't know that yet! She is due January 12th, 2012 and we couldn't be more excited!!

 I plan to use this blog not only to update family on how things are going with us and with the pregnancy, but to get some of my fears and anxieties out of my head lol.

When we first started talking about getting pregnant, I had wanted to wait until we were better off financially and until I was in better shape myself. But the more I got to thinking about it, I was asking myself, why are we waiting? If we wait for these things, we may be waiting forever! So, we made the decision and 2 months later, we had a positive pregnancy test! Poor Ibou was in such shock, he didn't talk to me for almost 2 days! He, like myself, thought we had more time, but I'm thankful for the short time it took to become pregnant. I have watched so many friends struggle with getting pregnant and I feared it would also be our fate. But I put my fears and thoughts aside and relaxed and I think it was the best thing I could have done! I called as soon as I got the 2nd positive test and scheduled a Dr. appt.

 Here is our little gummy bear at 8 weeks!! It was such an amazing experience to see this little being wiggling back and forth on the screen and to hear that glorious heart beat. I cried. The next day we got to travel to Tennesee to see my family for my sister's graduation and I told them the news! Of course they were as excited as we were!

Everything seemed to be going great. I only had mild morning sickness and a few headaches, but other than that and feeling tired some of the time, I was doing great.

Then we had a scare. I got sick one night off a smell from our sink. I thought I peed my pants after I threw up (TMI I know...lol. Bear with me), but it wasn't pee. I was bleeding. Like gushing out blood. Terrified we were losing the baby, I screamed and Ibou came running. I have never seen my husband, in the 8 years we've been together, so scared. He ran and got my cell phone and called the dr. office. It was after hours so we drove like a bat out of hell for the emergency room. That in itself was a horrible experience. We had to wait in the lobby, while I'm gushing blood, for them to call us back. I thought my non-violent husband was going to yank the receptionist over the counter at one point. Finally we get back to a room only to wait another 2 1/2 hours. Finally they wheeled me back for an ultrasound and the minute that wand touched my belly, our angel was bouncing all over the place. Huge relief. Bad news was they couldn't tell us why I was bleeding. So they diagnosed us with a possible miscarriage and sent me home! I was furious! Next day I called the Dr.'s office and got in right away. 2 seconds after they started the u/s, she saw that there was a small hemmorage behind the placenta-basically a pocket of blood that was jarred loose by me getting sick. I was ok and so was baby!

 13 weeks u/s after our scare! Baby is doing great! Look at that little leg!!

From there, no more scares! Everything has been going so smooth and baby is growing every day!

 20 Weeks! Poor Ibou missed the u/s that determined the sex of baby. He went to the wrong Dr. office :( I found out that all of our predictions were totally wrong! We all thought for sure I was having a boy! When the u/s tech said it was a girl, my mouth dropped open and I said, "Seriously?" She gave us 2 pictures to prove it ;) I was so excited! A little girl!! I wanted to go shopping asap!! lol.

At our last appointment, the Dr though maybe baby girl was measuring a little ahead...like 3 weeks or so ahead! Yikes! So, she ordered an ultrasound so we could see exactly what was going on. WELL...she's not measuring more than 3 days ahead, but she's still in the breach position! Her little feet are above her head!! Other than that, she's perfect! Measuring right where she should be as far as her head and weight-which is 3lbs 12oz so far! They put her in the 47th % area for right now which is right on track! We couldn't be more blessed and thrilled!!

This is the most recent u/s pic from the 31wk5d growth scan. Look at that little foot all the way up there above her head! My kid is flexible!! lol. Ibou thinks she is going to look just like me! And she has hair already!! We are so excited to meet her! This first entry should put you right up to speed with everything going on since we got pregnant until now! I will post more as we go! Thanks for reading and I hope you stay tuned!! :)

Love,

Ashley, Ibou and baby girl!